Developing your listening skills allows you to be benevolent AND efficient. For managers, communication is central. And the more communication allows you to create a link with the other, that is to say to connect with the other, the more effective it will be.
And the best way to connect is to listen.
This article presents seven tips to develop your listening and presence.
(If you want the rest of the article in video version, click below!)
Developing your listening skills means connecting with others in the same place or via the same communication channel.
Communicating in a benevolent and efficient way is a bit like a dance, we have a rhythm, we respond to each other.
We are not two people in the same room, talking to themselves.
Listening is neither guessing, nor solving, nor answering.
To listen is to be present, and curious. To be there to understand, not to solve.
To develop your listening skills, it is important to approach each conversation with the idea that it will teach you something. Either on us, or on the other, or on a situation.
My 7 tips for developing long-term listening, even in the heat of the moment
1.Do one thing at a time.
While someone is talking to you, don’t write an email or check your notifications. Being present is not multitasking.
Even if you think it doesn’t affect your presence, the other person’s perception of the quality of your presence certainly does!
2. Transition
If you don’t feel willing to listen, take a moment of transition. Sometimes I say, “Look, I’m just getting there! To be fully present to you, I need to drop off for 5 minutes. Where can I go to see you? »
Then I take a micro break of 1-5 minutes: get a glass of water, listen to a song, take a breath of fresh air for a few minutes.
Then I come back to the other, in a different state.
3. Finding a balance between action and contemplation.
We all have a different balance! In general, you’re going to need between 30-70% of the need for action, or the opposite, more in contemplation mode – feeling relaxed, in your bubble, having moments of concentration rather than being in motion and interacting with people.
The bottom line is that you can neither always be on the move nor always be inactive.
If you’re too much in motion, you’re creating stress and you don’t have free space to think. You find yourself more in reaction, fast mode, and you change your mind. It can even become anxiety-provoking.
Then, if you don’t move enough, you wait too long to make decisions or overanalyze; You’re in your head. Your inner voices are loud and you are not present.
The invitation is to find one’s balance and to respect oneself. To do this, you have to set your limits and say no.
4. Do the “All 5” exercise
Here is an exercise that allows you to reconnect with your body and your senses. So, if you feel like you’re a little overwhelmed, here’s how to do it:
Do it at the same time as you read if you want!
We will connect to each of our 5 senses and identify 5 elements.
- Let’s start with the view : identify 5 things you see. On my side: a camera, a couch, a mat, a microphone, two people.
- Then, the ears : listen to and identify 5 sounds in your environment: birds, cars, air conditioning, my breathing, the neighbor.
- Let’s continue with the nose : smell and identify or imagine 5 smells: the perfume, the grass, my meal, my son’s hair, the city.
- Then, taste or imagine 5 tastes: mint, coffee, strawberry, orange, a spice.
- Finally, feel 5 elements to touch: my feet in my shoes, the clothes on my shoulders, the seat under me, my pencil in my hands, a jewel on my skin.
And if you have been following me, you should be much calmer and more present!
5.Breathing according to the 4-4-8 technique
Here is a 2ndexercise. This proven technique reduces tension and soothes.
- Inhale for a count of 4.
- Hold for 4
- Exhale for 8.
- Repeat 4 or more times!
6. Unload your mind
This exercise allows you to “get out” all the thoughts, tasks, and concerns out of your head.
Here are two options:
1.At the end of the workday, take 10-15 minutes to “close the day”.
For example, on my side, all the tasks, or things I have to take care of, are written down in my notes and the time needed to solve them is planned in my agenda.
2.At any time
If a situation is worrying you and preventing you from going about your day, it is creating difficulty sleeping, or for which you simply cannot find a solution, take the time to unload your thoughts on a piece of paper.
For my part, most of the time I don’t keep this sheet. It’s not always positive! And at the same time there is always a light that comes out of it, and I note it!
7. Do something that energizes and reduces stress at the same time
Here are two options, to choose according to the mood of the moment or your personality.
- Talk to someone.
In moments when I have too much or I need to reconnect with my presence, I often go out for a walk, talk to a neighbour or a cashier in a local shop. Of everything and nothing, this innocuous exchange gives me energy, changes my focus.
- Walk
Ideally alone, in nature, or in a city park. You can also just sit outside for a few minutes and do nothing.
In conclusion, to develop your listening skills, you need to know yourself well and develop your presence to yourself.
Self-control, and presence, come first of all from self-awareness.
If you are aware that you are being overwhelmed by events, you can take action and change the state you are in to generate a different state.
You might be interested in this article on communicating emotions or these two online self-trainings: increasing your energy and better managing your time or managing your stress and emotions.
Being present does not mean being perfect. It’s to be aware of how you feel and what’s going on now.
It’s hard to do when there’s stress, the volume of work is high, and you’re in high demand. I agree. Tell yourself that the more problems and volume of work you have, the more beneficial the periods of setback are for your impact.
In addition, you will increase your credibility by having better self-control.
I invite you to experiment with any of these options, or try them all in order to choose what works best for you!
You will give me news!