The most common mistake in conducting a difficult conversation

by | Nov 27, 2024

L’erreur la plus commune lorsqu’il y a besoin de mener une conversation difficile - Unique coaching

Working from home makes things even harder, and at the same time having a difficult conversation is never easy… 😊

Here are links to get to the different sections of the article more quickly:

 

First, what is a difficult conversation? It usually starts with a situation or behavior that you want to be different about someone and that you would like to share with them. Then, at the same time, conducting this conversation doesn’t make us feel comfortable, or we’re afraid of the consequences. Also, we just don’t know how to conduct this type of conversation!

Thus, this is what makes the most common mistake occur: waiting.

Wait before having the difficult conversation.

 

Example of a waiting situation:

First of all, you waited, observed. Then, the problematic situation did not happen every day, or every week, and you expected the person to talk to you about it, or for the situation to arise.

Second, you’re not always comfortable talking about personal things at work.

Then, time passed faster than you thought.

This situation started 3, 4, 5 or 6 months ago, you are not even sure anymore.

Well, you think about it often. So, you start to tell yourself that enough is enough, and at the same time you wonder how the person is going to find this when you go to talk to them about a situation that has been going on for so long.

If she said to you, “But why didn’t you tell me about it before?”

So you wait.

How long should you wait before having a difficult conversation?

First of all, if you observe a situation that, for the first time, can “pass” because you tell yourself that the person may be having a bad day, but that is repeated, such as a different attitude that comes back or delays: 2-3 weeks maximum (or 2-3 times that the situation is repeated).

(If it’s more of a lack of respect towards you, don’t wait more than 24-48 hours, let the emotions settle and go for it!)

What to do in case you are waiting:

1- Stop waiting 😊

2- Go to the person and tell them exactly how you feel.

Hi Geneviève! Can I talk to you? It’s important to me and at the same time I’m a little uncomfortable because maybe I should have told you about it before, but I didn’t really know… Is it a good time?

If you need to have a difficult conversation, take advantage of the tools in the Communicating Differently online training and consider the factors of success and failure!

3- Tell him what you observe with facts

For several weeks, I’ve noticed that you sometimes turn off your camera in group meetings but not in individual meetings. Which you didn’t do before. I would like to understand. What makes you now turn off your camera in group meetings?

4- Listen, exchange.

The goal is not to be right, but to understand in order to take the next step!
This article will help you empathize, even if you don’t feel like it.

5- Find common ground, a solution.

Then, in order to conduct a difficult conversation effectively, it is essential to end with a clear action. Clarity will make everyone feel better.

6- Follow up (yes, even if the situation improves!)

Follow-ups are not simply used to adjust behaviours or attitudes, they can serve as recognition, yes! Be specific!

Thank you, since our conversation, I have observed a positive change in dating! The fact that you turned your camera back on creates a better atmosphere and more participation.

The article ” How to have difficult conversations more easily ” will also help you have your discussions as you go.

The most common mistake when there is a need to conduct a difficult conversation is waiting.

Coach questions to prepare you for your difficult conversation:

  • What is the situation that really bothers you?
    Is it the camera? The lack of participation? The message this sends to others because they have been turning off their cameras since then?
  • What are the impacts of this situation on you?
  • What are the impacts of this situation on the other?
  • Show empathy: ask yourself what the person is going through, what their problems are, their wishes, their tasks, their feelings.
  • What are the impacts of this situation on others, such as the team for example?
  • What are the impacts of this situation on objectives, results or the organization?
  • What would be some of the solutions that you would find acceptable?

 

Conclusion

To conclude, my invitation today is to go. Go ahead, have that difficult conversation. Feel better!