In 1995, Gary Chapman wrote the book “The Five Love Languages”. In this book, Mr. Chapman demonstrated that to improve communication and trust in relationships, it is essential to know how our partner “receives” love. You have to learn to “speak” the language of love that the person accepts as a sign of affection. Applied to the workplace, we talk about the 5 languages of appreciation. This idea can be helpful in understanding that the way we show our appreciation is not universal. That is, the more personalized or comprehensive the recognition, the greater its impact.

Recognition goes beyond material and financial rewards.

In this article you will find the 5 languages of appreciation, their explanation and how to use them at work. As you read, I invite you to write down your own favorite language and the language of the people around you. I have to tell you that when I have this discussion with people I know, instantly there are realizations towards relationships and wonderful adaptations happen, for the good of all parties.

Do you prefer video to text? Watch the video recap of the article below.

The 5 languages of appreciation

1. Empowering words

Definition : Using words to communicate a positive message to the other person. People who have the language of appreciation: Words of appreciation like to receive positive feedback, like to be said kind words. You’ll notice it when you say something to someone and they light up!

How to use this language at work:

  • Offer positive feedback
  • Appreciation of personality traits
  • One-on-one or public or written eulogies depending on the person’s personality

 

Careful: The words must be specific (If you want to improve the way you give feedback, the self-study “Motivating and Recognizing Performance” is for you.

 

2.Quality time

Definition:

Giving one’s full attention to someone. You know when you feel like you’re the only person in the world right now, for someone? No notifications, no phone. Simply the present moment. In listening.

How to use this language at work:

  • Quality conversations where listening is present (empathy, reformulation, open-mindedness, curiosity, etc.) You will find several complementary articles on listening and communication on this blog.
  • Share people in team meetings or social activities

Be careful: the presence must be authentic and true

 

3. Services rendered

Definition:

Have gestures and actions of mutual aid.

How to use this language at work:

  • Offer help to the other person (once we have assumed our own responsibilities)

 

Careful: With a positive attitude

 

4. Tangible gifts

Definition

To offer material recognition to someone.

How to use this language at work:

  • Show tickets, bonuses, gifts delivered to the door, etc.
  • General working conditions (holidays, insurance, salaries)

 

Attention: try as much as possible to offer something that the person values

 

5. Physical touch

Definition

In the languages of love it’s easy to understand, but… uh… Get to work?

How to use this language at work:

  • Tap on the shoulder.
  • Shake hands.

Attention: stay professional! 😊

 

Not sure where to start or don’t know the person well enough?

Try! When I have a new client, I send a physical “kit”, some people don’t even mention it, others write to me to tell me about it. According to this behaviour, what is their language of appreciation? Or when someone does me a favor, I feel like I’m worth a lot in the eyes of a person. I thank her very much. What is my language of appreciation? Do not hesitate to make an effort to offer appropriate recognition to people. Just make sure she’s sincere. Yes, you can make a sincere 😊

To get to know your language or someone else’s better

Think about the complaints you make or hear… “He never does me any favours.” “I listen to her, she doesn’t listen to me.” “Why doesn’t the company buy us jerseys with the team’s logo?” “I never know if my performance is satisfactory.”

To go further

Do you know your favorite language(s) of appreciation? And why not share them with your loved ones? Why not talk about this topic with those around you? You’ll be able to share your preferences and take your relationship to another level!

 

Let’s take action!

  1. How much knowledge of your team’s languages of appreciation stands?
  2. What is the language you use the most to recognize your team members (by default)?
  3. What could you try today?

 

Conclusion

Yes. Each person has different needs, and if you help fulfill them, you’ll have better relationships. If you want words of appreciation and are offered gifts, without knowing the 5 languages of appreciation, you may be frustrated and feel that you are not “seen”, or that your need is not met.

Remember that we always act towards others in the way we like, that others act towards us or according to our beliefs, rarely do we really adapt to the needs of the other.

Know yourself better, get to know others better, and make your relationships easier.