Knowing how to communicate your emotions is essential in all spheres of your life. I think the more you know how to do it, the better you’ll feel. Obviously, in the event that you communicate your emotions with an authentic and caring approach.
Let’s see here a description of how emotions work and the elements to mention when you want to communicate your emotions.
How emotions work
First of all, it is important to know that the human condition is not made to inhibit emotions, in the sense that emotions are the basis of our functioning. They inform us of an action to take.
In other words: emotions should not be “ignored”. To repress them is to pretend that certain situations that trigger emotions in you do not exist. It’s a form of denial.
What is healthiest for you is to learn to live, understand and communicate your emotions.
Understanding Your Emotions
No matter what emotion comes your way, it is a message about a need you have.
1. Meeting your needs is your responsibility
“I need” DON’T EQUAL “I need you to do this or that.”
In other words, if your expectation is that others will meet your needs, it will cause problems with communication. We try to avoid: Ineed you…
For example, if your problem is that your team is asking you questions all day, you’re responding to all those notifications, and it’s creating stress for you.
🚫 I need you to be more autonomous.
✅ I need to organize my time in order to manage my files AND answer your questions. How could I pair the two?
2. Needs need to be recognized more than satisfied 😊
This does not mean that they should not be satisfied, it means that the recognition of needs is very important and often more important than satisfying them. By naming and acknowledging your needs, you’ll already feel better and will be inclined to enter solution mode.
Like what:
You choose to put aside a creative passion to take more time with your family. Simply acknowledging that you have a need for expression will be beneficial. You could say something like : For the moment, I don’t devote time to my passion. (The keyword is NOW.)
3. Do you have to become selfish?
Not at all! The invitation is to get out of binary thinking, I take care of myself OR I take care of others. Welcome the word “and.”
I take care of myself AND others. I bet that by better connecting to your needs and communicating your emotions better, the overall satisfaction of those around you will increase.
Why all this preamble on needs?
Because the needs are “underneath” the emotions. Are you impatient because you need to move forward or be more in action? Are you a little disappointed that you can’t express your joy, because you need to share it? Are you a little worried, because you need to talk to your loved ones more often and check in on them?
Hence the idea of understanding oneself better in order to better communicate one’s emotions ❤
Here are some things to mention when you want to communicate your emotions.
⚠ Warning: Before using the tool below, make sure you don’t have any emotional tension that could generate other emotions. In other words, you must be calm, and it goes without saying that you must also be open to receiving the response of the other person. Just because you communicate your emotions doesn’t mean the other person will agree or is ready to receive them. Always try to find a place and a good time, and then ask the person if you can talk to them about something important to you.
Don’t let yourself be intimidated. All of the steps below shouldn’t be more complex than two or three sentences, they’re just presented in detail here.
- Facts
Start with: “I noticed that…” “, “in the meeting when you said/did…” Make sure it’s true and that you’re not spreading an opinion or rumor.
Avoid using the “you”, “you”, “always”, “never”, “again” which could make the other person defend or justify themselves.
Example: Our agreement was that I was to receive this document on Tuesday and it is Thursday.
- Analysis of the facts
Here we give our perception of the situation, the idea we have or the intention we attribute to the other person. “What I deduce from this is” / “It gives me the impression that” / “I told myself that”
You have the right to give your perception, but be open to it not being the truth.
Avoid: start by analyzing the facts according to our perception, before giving the facts… otherwise conflict in sight! Simply give your vision of things, without nuances, without “trying” to be polite for example… Just go for it.
For example: I have the impression that you don’t want to invest.
Will not have the same impact as: Our agreement was that I was to receive this document on Tuesday and it is Thursday. I have the impression that you don’t want to get involved.
- Emotion
Name the emotion felt at the time of the situation without minimizing it.
Use “I felt” to stay focused on yourself, it’s your emotions.
Ideally, avoid negative turns of phrase: I don’t feel listened to, I didn’t feel included… etc.
The simplest and most effective: I felt, I felt.
For example: I feel frustrated.
- The need to be met
Take the time to identify what’s under the hood!
For example: I need more visibility if agreements cannot be met.
- The proposal
Express your expectations, make a request, and be open to compromise. Don’t try to impose anything on the other person.
Like what: I want to find a way to follow up. I thought of milestones every 15 days. What do you think?
So the full conversation would be:
Our agreement was that I was to receive this document on Tuesday and it is Thursday. I have the impression that you don’t want to get involved. I feel frustrated. I need more visibility if the agreements cannot be respected. I want to find a way to follow up. I thought of milestones every 15 days. What do you think?
In conclusion
In order to communicate your emotions in an authentic and caring way, take a step back to know what is really going on. What provoked the emotion? What’s behind (the need)?
Then, this way you will be able to communicate the facts, the analysis of the facts, the emotion, the need and be in solution mode!
To go further, here are 3 options: This blog contains several articles on emotions, here is the link to see them. You also have the opportunity to take the 2-hour self-study on managing emotions and stress or to have the opportunity to receive a private training on the subject!