As a leader, you need to give positive or negative feedback, in a constructive way, to your teams. It is increasingly common, with hierarchical barriers that are lowering, for managers to receive negative feedback not only from their immediate supervisor, but also from their team.
So, how do you receive negative feedback in the right way? Here are six tips to help you navigate a context that can be difficult to manage.
Prefer a video version? There she is:
Right off the bat, you might be defensive, surprised, or very open. It will depend on your context, your expectations, the person who shares their opinion, the tone used, or your emotions at the time!
I won’t surprise you by telling you that ideally, you should stay calm, composed and curious. And this, even under the effect of surprise.
Here are six tips for receiving negative feedback
1. Respect yourself
The Moment
If the time or place is not convenient for you, politely ask if you can have this conversation at another time and/or place.
The tone
Stay in control over the tone that’s right for you. If the other person raises their voice, you have plenty of time to say to them right away, “I’m open to hearing what you have to say, if it’s done calmly. Would you rather have another time? »
The surprise
Sometimes a difficult conversation comes up suddenly and you can’t avoid it. Especially if there is an emotional charge, it must be taken care of.
Example: A member of your team comes in and says, “We weren’t supposed to meet to present our ideas to you? We know that you often change your mind without telling us. We have worked for nothing again. You could have at least warned us! Now everyone is demotivated! »
In these cases, in order to respect yourself AND have a constructive conversation, remember what you really want and be authentic by starting by naming the emotion you feel. Open war is not the best idea!
“You must be angry to tell me that in that tone. I don’t want you to feel like you’re working for nothing. I am ready to adjust my operation and to find common ground. I won’t be perfect either, so I need us to work together on that. What do you say? »
Want more tips on communicating emotions? Read this article.
2. Listen to what is being transmitted
Put yourself in “listening mode”.
First, tell yourself that the information that will be transmitted to you, no matter how it is given, is an opportunity for you to learn.
Focus on your own reactions. If you feel like you’re getting defensive, calm down and don’t worry!
You will have plenty of time to explain yourself.
Just start by listening with concentration. (If you want to improve your listening and presence, this article and video are packed with tools!)
If, rather than listening, you are preparing your response, you are not listening. Take it easy 😊
3. Question to understand
Ask for as much detail and information as possible: facts and concreteness are your allies!
Don’t be embarrassed to ask questions and ask for details, no matter what kind of feedback.
Like what:
- I really want to understand what you’re telling me, do you have any concrete examples?
- What were your expectations of me?
- How could I better meet your expectations?
4. Reframe the problem
Rephrase what you have understood in order to validate your understanding.
The more concrete, the better.
Like what:
“If I understand correctly, the fact that I didn’t take the time to consult with you creates frustration in the team?”
5. Conclude with actions to follow
Look for actions or suggestions for the future.
Like what:
- You make me realize that I easily lose patience when I receive a customer complaint. I don’t really know how to handle this type of situation. Do you have any suggestions?
- What do you think if I send you a draft for the next report and then we will align ourselves in advance?
6. Thank the person
Thank the person for their courage and the time they took to give you this negative feedback.
A simple “Thank you for taking the time to share this negative feedback constructively with me.”
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is not necessarily easy to receive negative feedback. This means that we have not done “well”. Or that we didn’t live up to expectations. Emotions can be at play, in addition to the ego that wants to look good.
This can make us react defensively. If so, don’t hesitate to take a moment. You might even tell the other person that you didn’t expect this and that you’d like to come back to them a little later.
There are no mistakes, there is only learning!