Anne is often torn between her workload, her balance and her ambitions. Too often, she says “I do” because she doesn’t want to lose a contract, offer a bad service or look bad. In fact, she has a hard time saying no.
Saying no takes work. Managers, entrepreneurs or self-employed workers, it is often difficult to say no in business: we don’t want to lose a contract, disappoint a client, displease our boss, etc.
In general, the person who has difficulty saying no is committed to his or her role, mission and/or business project. She juggles problems and opportunities.
Here are a few tips to develop your ability to say no.
Make your diagnosis
Do you have one or more of these symptoms?
- Stress: Do you have an overload of work? Are you having trouble managing your time?
- Lack of energy: You accumulate frustrations… and it undermines you?
- Difficulties in being respected: Do you feel that you are being abused, or that your role is not respected?
- Responsibilities: Do you feel responsible for a lot of things? Do you tend to take too much on your shoulders?
If you recognize yourself, even a little, take action and start saying no.
Do you agree with the statements below?
- You can’t say no to a boss.
- You can’t say no to someone who has already done you a favor.
- You can’t say no to someone with whom you have a personal connection.
- You can’t say no to someone who has been recommended to you.
If you agree with at least one statement, say this:
Saying no to a request is not saying no to a person.
This sentence is important. Distinguish between requests and people.
Develop your ability to say no
First, what are the impacts on you of not saying no enough?
Stress? Insomnia? Guilt?
Then, what are the impacts on others? That is to say your customers, your boss, your team? Is your availability affected? Is your team disengaging? Silos are being created? Does the team’s motivation decrease with the workload? Is your boss starting to find that your performance is affected?
Take the time to see the impacts of your functioning, on yourself and on others. Face reality.
And now, here are 3 steps to put into practice to develop your ability to say no… without alienating your interlocutor!
That’s it, you’ve just received a request, and you feel that you’ll have a hard time refusing even if it’s not realistic.
1. Be considerate of the person:
- Look at the person, smile, and ask questions to fully understand the request. For example: What are their expectations of you? For when? Make sure you really understand their concerns and requests.
- Tell her that you’ll get back to her soon with your answer and ask her how soon she’d like that answer.
- Reassure her that you will get back to her in time.
2. Manage demand:
- Evaluate the request. How long does this request require on your part?
- Test how this request fits into your current priorities and tasks. In other words, what are the impacts if I accept this request?
- Decide
- Validate the different possible delivery options and deadlines.
- Rearrange your schedule realistically.
- Offer at least two scenarios, ideally three, to the person.
- Think of other resources that could help you, or other tools. That is, what are the other scenarios that don’t involve you and how to delegate certain tasks.
3. Respond to the person:
- Whether or not you can meet the request, the person will always like to have options.
If you said no, tell the person that you want to help them, and that for this particular request it is impossible for the moment.
Then, come up with your scenarios: different dates, smaller deliverables over a set period of time, someone else to help, etc.
Offering options will always be appreciated. In a position of leadership, expectations are of …. leadership!
Are you willing to give up the impacts of not saying no often enough?
Remember the impacts on yourself and others of not saying no often enough… What would your world be if you were able to say no more often? What would your environment be?
(I invite you to describe it, draw it, imagine it.)
I want to hear from you: what are the impacts you are willing to give up? Comment below!
Additional tools
- The other articles under the theme of delegation.
- Not sure where to start? Get support with individual coaching.
- The Agile Leader’s book for a complete overview of the six capabilities!