Today I propose the theme: Can we really say everything? Specifically when we are in a situation of disagreement or discomfort.
Here are some examples of things that we can think and that we don’t always dare to express:
- Boss, I don’t agree with your decision.
- Honey, I think we have too many visitors and I’m tired.
- Employee, I find that you exaggerate your breaks.
- Colleague, I don’t like it when you climb to my boss without telling me first.
- Neighbor, your music is too loud and it bothers me.
- Friend, I’d like you to talk to me about something other than that, I’m bored of it.
What are the obstacles to expressing our disagreements or discomforts? Fear of hurting people, fear of the other’s reaction, what else? What if there were ways to communicate so that these obstacles would be eliminated or considerably reduced?
We have integrated more the confused and almost constant impression of each person’s guilt in relation to the other than the enlightened sense of responsibility of each one. – Thomas D’Ansembourg
So here are a few tips.
#1 Choose the right environment:
- Is it best to express yourself at your desk, in a room, at home, in a restaurant, in the cafeteria?
#2 Choose the right medium:
- In person, by phone, by email
#3 Use these simple principles:
- Talk about yourself, don’t talk about others! Your sentence should therefore begin with I.
- Trust the facts!
- What does this situation generate in you? Recognize frustration, the need for reassurance, jealousy, the need to control, etc.
- What can you do or ask to move forward?
If I take some of the situations above, it could be:
- Boss, I don’t agree with your decision.
- Boss, announcing the decision on the delivery date of the project in front of the whole group makes me uncomfortable, because I have doubts that it is feasible. I need to understand to help you. Can you explain to me where this decision came from?
- Honey, I think we have too many visitors and I’m tired.
- Honey, we have visitors three weekends out of four and I want some time between us. Can we agree not to book more than two weekends out of four?
- Employee, I find that you exaggerate your breaks.
- As an employee, I notice that in addition to your cigarette breaks, you leave to get your lunch earlier and that you browse the Internet several times during the day. I need to offer a presence and good service to customers. I ask you to manage your breaks with the following scales: XYZ.
- Colleague, I don’t like it when you climb to my boss without telling me first.
- Colleague, it’s been three times that my boss has been giving me feedback on improvement following a comment from you. I want a good relationship with you and at the moment I have a malaise. I ask you to first tell me about the problematic situations that I or my team may cause you. What do you think?
Can we really say everything? What are you going to improve on your communication right now?
As a professional coach, I can help you develop a more effective relational style in order to contribute to the achievement of your goals.
What do you think?
