Let go…. Essential learning, in life and at work! I hated this expression for a long time, I prefer “let go” which is the literal translation of “let go” in English. That said, whether you prefer to let go or let go, what happens and the solutions to finally let go of the pressure are the same!
When we feel that we need to let go or loosen our grip on a situation, it’s usually because we’re tense. There is pressure, or tension.
This can easily translate to the physical level. You can have clenched fists (your grip), or tight breathing, that is, not in its full expansion. Or other physical tensions. In short, we contract.
Letting go does not mean :
- Being passive
- Drop everything
- Nothing and wait for it to settle itself.
This is rather denial… And the chances of the situation escalating are high!
Imagine that you are holding an object in your hand, so hard that you have marks of it. Let go of the tension that means releasing your hand without the object falling. Dropping the object is not letting go, it’s letting go!
Letting go means: releasing the pressure.
This stress usually comes from a sense of control. Of a belief or a judgment: I must, you must…
- I have to finish all my files before going on vacation.
- I have to validate everything before it gets to the client.
- Everyone must respect the purchasing procedure.
I’m not saying that these thoughts aren’t legitimate… It depends on how you experience them.
That is to say, if you are making yourself sick for a purchase procedure, although it is important, I don’t think it is worth it.
If you feel tired, frustrated, dissatisfied and lose your serenity… You would benefit from taking the following steps.
Here’s why and how to release the pressure.
As with everything, it’s a question of balance. If you let go too much and one day you have accumulated so much that you want to turn everything upside down or you don’t want to compromise anymore because you have done too much. You would benefit from learning to let go as events unfold.
Why we don’t let go
We don’t give up because something is important to us. I say for us. If for me it is very important that the files are updated as they go along and for my colleague it is once every 2 weeks, there is no judgment to be made.
We have different preferences, different beliefs, different personalities. Some want to control more than others, some are more into “not taking care of situations” until I really can’t take it anymore. There is a whole spectrum. Know where you stand.
If, on the other hand, the behavior of one or the other has an impact on the team or the business objectives (so not just at my level), it is necessary to adjust. (To learn how to have difficult conversations, download the free guide.) Otherwise, maybe I have to let go.
How to let go
1. Identify
Authentically identify what you find difficult to let go.
Coach Questions
- Deep down, what bothers you?
- What are the reasons why this bothers you?
- What are the impacts on you? on others? About your business objectives?
These questions try to target your beliefs. And if you answer these questions often, you will certainly find situations that come up and be able to better and better target the element to be released.
2. Breathe
And yes. 3 breaths, go ahead. You deserve them (and so does your body). When we are tense, there are contractions. You can’t just let go in the “head”, there is also a physical dimension.
Give some time and allow the breath to let go of resistances.
3. Take action
1. De-dramatize
What’s the worst that can happen? And if the worst happens… What would happen?
Is it really that bad?
Yes? So if this “worst” happens, how will you handle the situation? What will really happen? (keep digging)
Then, make a list of the pros and cons of the situation and the different options.
Do all this on paper please or out loud when you are alone! Not in your head. You really have to externalize for yourself. De-dramatizing doesn’t mean complaining to someone either. Here, we want to play down the drama in order to find a solution.
Once you’ve gone through the whole thing for yourself, why not talk to someone about it next, but take a step back first.
2. Find something you control
Trying to control time, an external situation or others is often frustrating or unsatisfying.
But you control a lot of things!
- What you say
- What you decide
- How you react
There may be times when people don’t think we’re in control of a situation, and you’re always in control of how you react to a situation.
3.Switch to solution mode
Sometimes the solution is an action, sometimes it’s acceptance.
Coach Questions:
- What can you anticipate?
- Who can you delegate to?
- What can you stop doing?
- What could you learn?
- What could you accept?
Here are two examples to illustrate the 3 steps to letting go
Example #1
You’ve lost your door keys, you have to leave the house quickly, you can’t be late AND you can’t find the keys!! Panic.
- Identify: You become aware that you are really stressed about it.
- Breathe: Take 3 breaths.
- Act:
- You say to yourself… “I’m only going away for an hour, the risks are low if my door isn’t locked.” You’re getting ready to leave the house. and oops… You step on your keys.
Example #2
You are going on a 3-week holiday. Your team is already overwhelmed and 1 other person is missing. You work several hours to read, prepare, do, etc. You’re stressed, impatient, and frankly, you’re not comfortable going on vacation if you don’t do all of that.
- Identify: you become aware that you are putting a lot on your shoulders, that you are trying to compensate for everything, and that this need to do everything and control everything before your departure is to protect the reputation of the department in your absence.
- Breathe: Take 3 breaths.
- Act: You revisit priorities, expectations and accept that there are mistakes. After all, when you have analyzed the worst that could happen, nothing is irreparable and for your risky file you have found a person. You leave more peacefully.
And if you want to be even more proactive about letting go, as soon as the tension starts to be felt, do these steps. The “earlier” it is in the process, the easier it will be to release the tension.
Conclusion
Sticking to something is a way to chase away your fears and anxiety by trying to control a situation. If the impacts of not letting go are no longer easy to deal with, take a step back from the situation, be authentic with yourself, breathe and act by focusing on what you can control.
The management role is filled with situations that are challenging for managers, from a human, behavioural and emotional point of view. This is normal. Get coaching or training (check out the menu options!) to get inspired by those who have been there and save time to feel better!