That said, learning best practices from difficult conversations can make it easier to have the courage to say things, gain confidence, and avoid latent conflicts (which are worse to manage than difficult conversations!)
The principle is simple: the longer you wait, the worse.
- If you don’t talk about a situation that should be clarified… it is likely to recur.
- If it does happen again, you’re going to start feeling uncomfortable talking about it… Because… You didn’t talk about it thefirst time. Et là , vous avez peut-être peur que l’autre soit surpris et vous dise  : “ Why did you wait to tell me about it? »
- Then, if you still don’t say anything, the discomfort will continue to grow. Alatent conflict may begin to show its nose. Votre relation sera af fected by this unsaid.
This is what I call fish climbing.
Depending on your personality, this process of escalade of situation-pattern-relationship will be of a different duration for each : days, weeks, months, years before a conflict erupts or impatience emerges.
No matter how long it lasted, it could have been avoided.
And this is the invitation that this article extends  to you: How to avoid unspoken words and latent conflicts to have more satisfying relationships.
âž¡ It’s never too late to have a difficult conversation
Let’s look at the three signs that demonstrate that you need to have a difficult conversation, the 3-step method, and scripted examples.
The 3 signs that show you need to have a difficult conversation
- Is your inner frustration starting to show on the outside (non-verbal, sarcasm)?
- Does your intuition keep telling you to talk about it, but a voice tells you that “it doesn’t happen”?
- Do you want to talk, but just don’t know how to go about it?
âž¡ If you answer yes to any of these three questions, it’s time for a difficult conversation!
How to have a difficult conversation in 3 steps
1. Determine the problem
Example : a person does not deliver on time.
Try to see the situation from different perspectives : Does this person receive multiple orders from multiple people? Does she have a hard time saying no? Is she dealing with a divorce?
A. Let’s say the person doesn’t deliver, but you change your mind often, communicate expectations and deadlines quickly , don’t follow up diligently. Je vous invite à vous questionner sur votre façon de déléguer.
B. If a difficult conversation takes place, will it be more of a mea culpa on your part? Learn how to delegate, for example, and how to clarify your expectations.
C. If, instead, the person says yes to all the requests, the problem and the way to answer them lies elsewhere. Like what : express your expectations in relation to hisrole, give the guidelines of the role (the room for manoeuvre), encourage the person to set his limits, or to train on it.
See? This step is key and requires the courage to see the situation from different angles.
2. Prepare
Do not have never A difficult conversation under the influence of emotion. It is not likely to come out of it that much positive ?
Prepare.
Has. Your intention
Like what : Finding a solution, helping the person, understanding a situation, being more satisfied in one’s work.
This part is essential. Because it will allow you to bring the conversation back to your intention if it gets out of hand. Example : the person is getting defensive? Go back to your intention  right away: not to find the culprit, but to find a solution.
Intention makes cropping easier.
B. Facts
Rumours have no place.
Prepare facts : I have asked 3 times, 2 customer complaints on the same subject in the last 1 month, etc.
If you don’t have any facts, think twice before startinga difficult conversation with someone.
If you are “ certain Rumors , the fact could be : I’ve heard this rumor 4 times, I want to validate it.
C. The Issues
Show curiosity. A difficult conversation is an exchange.
You don’t know what’s going on with the other person. You have Maybe an idea But stay curious, it will be an advantage to better connect with your interlocutor and arrive at your intention.
Once prepared, go to the person to tell them that you want to talk to them about something important. Don’t do this on a Monday morning or Friday afternoon ? Don’t start the conversation in a hallway. Finding the right time, the right place. And no, it is not done by email. In person. Visually, it’s even better.
3. Follow up
You didn’t make all these efforts for nothing…! Follow up, demonstrate the importance. If the situation has been resolved, say so! If the situation is not resolved, say so! Don’t wait more than a week or two before following up.
Scripted examples
Here are some examples of difficult conversations, depending on what stage of fish climbing you think you’re at (it’s never too late!).
(Situation)
“I want to talk to you about the report I am asking you for on Friday at 5 a.m., my intention is to improve the understanding of our mutual realities. 6 times out of 10, I amois the report late. I don’t understand , for you deliver the other things in time, but never this report. This report is very important to me, it helps me to have visibility into the department’s data and gives me a global overview of the region to facilitate decisions like  : staff schedules, number of employees needed, etc. Quand I don’t have your report on time, I can’t compile your region. I have to organize the following week anyway and my decisions are difficult because there is a lack of information. In addition , it creates dissatisfaction in your team, which we have to manage afterwards in addition to creating tension between the two of us.
Questions:
- To what extent did you have this vision?
- How could you organize your schedule so that this task is not late?
- How could my need be met?
Now, if you’ve had that conversation with the person 2 or 3 times, the problem is different. VYou repeat a conversation and il There is no change. LA difficult conversation needs to evolve into the next step in fish climbing.
(Pattern)
“ Geneviève, I want to talk to you aboutthe deadlinefor the report. My intention is to reach a satisfactory agreement. In fact, we’ve met in São Paulo for 3 times this topic for 1 month. I feel d éEquipped by the fact that you seem to understand, you give solutions, but I don’t see any change in the action. It also frustrates me, because I don’t know how to make sure that you understand my need and that we can simply have this data to facilitate all of our work.
Questions:
- How do you explain this? 
- How can we ensure that this is behind us?
And if it still doesn’t work, you are no longer talking about the situation, or the pattern, but about the relationship.
(Relation)
“ Listento Geneviève, I really don’t know what to do anymore. J I tried to discuss the problemI have to deal with you several times, from different angles. The fact that you say yes to me and that you give solutions and then you don’t apply them makes me wonder about the transparency of the answers I receive. I don’t understand. I need to have authentic and transparent relationships with my employees. I cannot continue to collaborate if there is no transparency.
Question :
- What’s going on on your side? 
In conclusion
Having the difficult conversations as you go along, at the level of the situation, will make it easier, because you will not have escalation, less discomfort and above all a satisfaction of having done it. Always remember that direct and caring feedback is
a gift. Most people want to receive feedback, want to improve, and want to do better.
If you’ve ever tried to have a difficult conversation to make things better and it’s still the status quo in the situation, ask for help.
Feeling free while leading is possible! It will be my pleasure to take 30 minutes to understand your reality and discuss what coaching can bring you. Use instant messaging to book a free appointment.