The questions I received the most during the event were:
But… How do you do it?
You must be tired???
How can you help them if you don’t know them, and you don’t know what they’re going to tell you about, and what they need?
So two things here:
- I was able to offer my maximum presence to each participant, because of a very simple trick.
- I’m a professional coach, I don’t have the pressure to respond, that’s not my job.
- If necessary, I put on an expert’s hat, it’s an option, and not an end in itself.
Here’s how I was able to offer the best of myself, while helping and feeling energized.
Most of all, it made me think about my journey as a manager and my transition to a coaching leadership style. There were so many people who came to my office to ASK for something, to EXPOSE their problems. To help them, I advised, I gave ideas… SOLVE is energy-consuming, and has nothing to do with the posture of a coach.
I’ve done this a thousand times: solve, solve, find, organize.
You know, I’ve always been a manager in good faith, I wanted to empower my teams, that all members were motivated, committed. I just couldn’t do it. Not because of my potential, nor because of my will. Because of the lack of tools. I delegated, of course. Except that when I take a step back, and if I’m honest with myself, it’s obvious that several solutions came from me, and that I validated a lot of things. It was stressing me out, taking energy and starting to be really heavy to deal with.
It was probably to save time that I told them what to do.
I like it when things move, you see. When the files move forward. Except, that it’s heavy to bear. My boss at the time saved me a TON of energy by telling me: stop giving advice, solutions. Listen. People need to be listened to. I was hallucinating. Do nothing?????? I tell you this today with humor, but at that time I was not laughing. I was serious and I wanted to deliver EVERYTHING well, EVERYTHING fast, with a MOTIVATED team. And this, RIGHT NOW. haha! Small hint of exaggeration, but clearly, I had a long way to go in terms of patience 😉
Running out of other solutions, I tried it.
LISTEN. It drastically changed my relationships… but people didn’t leave my office anymore!! I didn’t have any more energy. We had to take the next step. To put you in context, it was in 2009, coaching was becoming more democratic. I went to train as a “manager-coach” and started reading books on the subject. I applied. I kept listening AND I started to change my posture. Among other things, to ASK QUESTIONS and to show a little more patience.
I asked those who came to my office to share problems, what solutions they thought they would put in place. How could they turn the problem to their advantage or into a learning experience? What would be the next action. etc.
I had questions about it. And I was waiting for their answer. If they didn’t find it right away, I waited as long as it didn’t put too high a risk on the deliverables. At first, my team looked at me strangely. They even avoided me for a few days. I was transferring some of the responsibility, I was asking them to change their way of doing things. It’s not very comfortable. Neither for them nor for me. We had to adjust. The adjustment was to choose the coaching leadership style on the least risky files, which made everyone comfortable. And one thing leading to another, there were more and more files, and we all had more and more confidence in ourselves, in others.
My daily life has really changed, my role GAVE me energy. My motivation was increasing.
Relations with the team took on a new meaning, and our results were achieved more quickly and easily.
I became even more curious about coaching. This stuff really worked! I signed up for a professional coaching course. You know the rest. And that’s why coaching 14 strangers in 3 days in a BMW gave me energy. People I didn’t know. To whom I was able to offer the best of myself. That’s why I didn’t have the pressure of having to master their subjects to help them. This has led to indescribable breakthroughs, some have told me that it has changed their lives. That’s crazy. In 30 minutes. I share this story with you as proof that when you give someone time, listening, presence, connection, you are giving an indescribable gift. I also say that when you are well seated in your position as a coach, you really help others to unblock.
I also say that if you want to be a manager-coach and have a more positive impact on those around you, it’s possible, it’s accessible.
It won’t happen in 24 hours. It will happen with will, tools and … Listen!
- If you are ready to learn more about manager competencies and leadership styles, and the clarity of your role by management level, I invite you to take the Manage and Lead training.
- If managing your emotions and stress is even more important right now than clarity in your role, the Managing Your Stress and Emotions training is a must.
- If it is the listening and clarity of your messages that you want to improve, learn to Communicate differently.
The tool for you: Listening/Questioning/Action/Follow-up
If you get out of the “give the solution” mode and switch to the listening/question/action/follow-up side, you will see several things happen:
- Solutions you may never have imagined
- Motivation, energy, commitment will increase, you will finally be able to tackle strategic issues
- How much more pleasant it is to end your days motivated and energetic!
To apply listen/question/action/follow-up when someone comes to you to make a request
- Listen to the request in the most objective way you are able to (because you are sure to have ideas for solutions.. but shhhtt! Listening is not talking.)
- Ask the person what they expect from you by sharing their problem with you
- If it’s a solution or advice that the person comes to you to ask for, return the question and ask what they would do
- If it’s listening, listen to it and go to point 4.
- Help them structure their thinking if needed, but just allowing them to share out loud should solve a lot of the problem!
- Ask her what action she is going to take, what her next step will be. (The action unlocks!)
- Ask them when they will come to keep you informed of developments, in other words, agree on a follow-up. If the person does not return, go to them at the agreed time. Stay proactive and show your interest by learning about how things are going.
Conclusion
What I did during these 3 days, at C2 Montreal, was not to take it upon myself to SOLVE.
I have helped people find their own solutions. I LISTENED. I QUESTIONED to raise awareness, to find the ISSUES and I invited ACTION.
The follow-up was mutual, either me or them. Stress-free.