Have you ever had to not “click” with someone, and you were somehow forced to be around that person? For example, a colleague, a brother-in-law, your friend’s boyfriend, your boss? Were you capable of empathy?
What can you do to be able to live this relationship well? How can it be made lighter?
“I became very impatient when I felt like I was wasting my time, that events were not going at my pace. Also, I found it difficult, and on top of that I was criticized for my non-verbal. On the other hand, I could see that the fact that I couldn’t establish a relationship with certain people was causing me problems, but what could I do?”
And one day, enlightenment! I read the following tips that concretely helped me to “breathe through my nose” and manage myself with people for whom I found it difficult.
Show empathy to improve your relationship (medium and long term)
Tip #1: List three things you like about this person
- To help you find them:
- First, is there anything you admire about this person? A quality? Then, when you meet this person, look only at the positives. For example: she organizes meetings well, she is polite, she is diplomatic, she expresses herself clearly, she is generous, she is always well dressed, etc.
- Second, write them down.
- Afterwards, keep the elements you have written down in view. For example, in your notebook, on a visible post-it, on the fridge, in your car, on the wallpaper of your tablet, etc.
- Then, observe yourself gradually changing your attitude towards this person!
Finally, for the bravest, the next step would be to invite this person for a coffee, or a lunch to tell them what you like about them. With this, your relationship will definitely change and be renewed!
Tip #2: Understand the other’s universe
- First, take a piece of paper and draw four quadrants.
- Work: his work, his responsibilities, his problems.
- Home: his family, his responsibilities, his problems.
- Past: difficulties, tragedies.
- Dreams: goals, dreams, ambitions.
- For this exercise, give yourself three minutes per quadrant to write down as much information as you can.
- When you’re done, read it out loud with the intention of understanding the other person better.
- Finally, reread your list if necessary.
In short, by better understanding the other’s world, it is easier to be empathetic and forgiving.
Read the article “Empathy for Cooperation” to improve your relationships and increase your chances of achieving your goals.
Show empathy by reacting better in the middle of the action (short term)
During a discussion or interaction where you feel that it will be impossible to hear you.
Tip #1 Ask yourself before answering or arguing:
How does this person feel about the current confrontational discussion?
- First, what are their needs in relation to the situation?
- Second, how can you meet their needs without sacrificing your own needs?
Often, just by asking these questions, the tension will decrease.
Good luck applying these stuff. For me, they worked. Even if it’s just to stop mentally when the discussion gets heated to take stock of what I want as a way out. Also, possibly measure the value for me, in the context, of creating a more harmonious relationship in the long run.
Want to apply and deepen? Take the online training Communicating Differently. The training will also allow you to be better understood, improve your listening skills and have difficult conversations in order to transform your performance and make your daily life easier!
What is your opinion?