Lately, I read about an approach that surprised me from the start, and that by dint of thinking about it ended up finding its place in the panoply of tricks that we can use to improve.
It’s about stopping doing something, sooner than, or before, developing new behaviors and attitudes.
Two well-known books that I recommend use the “stop doing” approach in part: What Got You Here Won’t Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith and Good To Great by Jim Collins.
Like what: When you want to improve the way you address people when you think they’re wrong, you can (1) learn to intervene better (2) say nothing (3) do -2- and then do -1-.
Let’s see 3 behaviors to stop, tips to stop these demobilizing behaviors (and as a bonus how to better intervene).
WARNING
If you recognize yourself on this list, don’t panic.
The idea is not to generate a feeling of guilt, but to make you aware of certain habits and above all, to help you stop them!
Behavior #1: Reprimanding
Just the word “reprimand” doesn’t make you feel good? You are right. No one likes to be reprimanded. Children don’t like it, imagine adults!
The typical situation
A client calls you and tells you about an error in a project. He’s not happy and there will likely be costs that you will have to take care of to fix the error.
Right away, the people around you feel your anger and/or disappointment. You are direct, and you go to the person responsible. You share your frustration with her, reprimanding her. “But what happened? Do you understand the consequences? Etc. etc. etc. »
How to stop?
- If you’re still emotional when you arrive at the person’s office: go back to your desk.
- If it is impossible for the person not to see you: do not say anything about the subject until you are calm.
To go further… (better intervening)
- Once calm, if you go to the person and say: I knew I’d like to know what explains it and your recommendation. For example: customer ABC called me and is not happy because of error X, which will cause an increase in costs. I would like to have the explanations please and know your recommendation to solve the problem.
Behavior #2: Being directive
The problem is that no one likes to be told what to do, and even worse, how to do it. That’s how it is.
Typical situation
You see that your team is at risk of missing the approaching deadline. You ask for a follow-up on the file and finally you tell them what to do to deliver on time.
How to stop?
- As soon as you feel the need to give your opinion WITHOUT being asked, don’t do it.
To go further… (better intervening)
- Ask open-ended questions (the interlocutor cannot answer yes or no). Some examples:
- What do they need to find the solution?
- What do they lack to deliver on time?
- What are their recommendations at this point?
- Are you being asked for your opinion? Offer it with “what do you think?”
Behavior #3: Wait for things to settle themselves
Those who naturally take up more space can use this strategy (to make room for others, for example), as well as the more introverted. They hope that someone will take the lead to resolve a situation. This is good in the situation where the “other” detects the message AND takes the leadership to decide. If not, read on.
Typical situation
Take all the recurring comments from your project post-mortems or look at interpersonal conflicts. Notice those who no one takes the leadership to take care of.
As a manager, the lax blame will fall on you, if you don’t prioritize these situations, no one will consider them.
How to stop?
- Identify a person responsible for each item and communicate it.
To go further… (better intervening)
- Prioritize the file
- Follow up regularly with the person concerned
- Communicate progress to everyone who is related to the initial problem.
In conclusion
- Reprimand : You are emotionally charged -> don’t speak -> openly ask for a solution
- Be directive: You want to give your opinion -> wait until you are asked -> ask open-ended questions
- Wait for things to sort themselves out : You see things dragging on –> assign a manager –> communicate progress to all parties involved
What do you think?
You can also find this article on LinkedIn.
