How can we express ourselves better? Regardless of your role, if you have frustrations, accumulated and internalized desires to say, or fear a reaction if you express yourself, then this article can help you.
Expressing oneself better, for me, means speaking with more courage and benevolence. We all know this, in theory, but when was the last time you felt listened to? That you really took the time to listen to each other? Or that you didn’t inundate the other person with advice on how to “get out” of an awkward situation?
In situations that are more difficult for us or in which we may fear the reaction of the other person, it goes without saying to use the best communication techniques in order to express ourselves better, with courage and kindness.
Tip #1 to express yourself with more courage:
In my training on managerial courage, I often say it: under courage is fear. That is to say, without fear, you don’t need courage. Do we agree? So if something worries you and you don’t dare, you have a certain fear and need courage.
Here’s a little process that I invite you to use. You need to take notes, so get out your notebook! 😊 The more detailed your answers, the more beneficial this exercise will be for you!
- What is the situation that makes me uncomfortable?
- Why don’t I dare to speak out?
- And if I were to speak out, what is the worst that could happen?
- And if the worst happened, what would I do?
- What else could I do?
- Now, how can I express myself to this person, with kindness?
What is the purpose of this process? Start demystifying fear, telling your brain that you’re taking control, and go into solution mode. That is, to find ways to solve your problem. This will have a positive impact on you and you will feel better!
(If this is a difficult conversation you want to have, there are several articles that can help.)
Tip #2 to express yourself with more kindness:
1- Be empathetic
Do you know the difference between empathy and sympathy? Explained simply, we can say that empathy is “seeing through the other person’s glasses” and sympathy is “feeling what the other person is feeling.” It’s really different. If one person talks to you about their problems and you are empathetic, you can understand, with your head, that the other person will not perform the same, that they need to be listened to, to take time off, it doesn’t matter. If you’re pretty friendly, you’ll cry with her and your heart will be all flagada.
In life as in business, empathy is essential. Sympathy, I’ll let you judge for yourself for your life, but in business it won’t serve you well if you want to feel good.
2- Offer your advice, don’t impose it
Oh, yes? But you are giving us advice now?? Yes, but you came looking for them. That’s the difference.
Let’s be honest you and I, when you talk to a friend or a colleague or a boss, and you need to be listened to, do you really want their advice? The answer is no. If you go looking for advice, you want it, but if you just want to express yourself, then no, you don’t want it.
One of the barriers to listening that I mention in my self-training on communication is: giving unsolicited advice.
So to apply this advice to better express oneself, what should be done?
First, take two minutes to ask yourself what the person is currently experiencing. If you don’t know, try to find out. Does the person have any personal problems? Is she just tired? Demotivated? Then ask if it’s a good time to discuss a sensitive topic for you. Already, this will set the table for more benevolence.
Then, once the person has spoken up, ask them how you can help them or if they want advice. You might be surprised, people need to listen more than to be told what to do and I’m sure that the simple fact of having listened will strengthen your relationship.
If you want to improve relationships in your team, I can help. You know that. Just use the chat for a quick tip or to book a time with me.
Conclusion: how to express yourself better
To express yourself better, that is to say with courage and kindness, take the time to demystify your fear, look for solutions and yes, get out of your comfort zone while showing empathy and listening.
As you can see, expressing yourself better requires preparation. You can do it and if you don’t dare to be in action you won’t be able to improve.